Self-Esteem: Developing A Strong Belief In Yourself
Inevitably in life, we will face disapproval or rejection from
others. It might be a family member, friend, employer, or even
a stranger. They might disagree with the way we live our lives,
the decisions we make for ourselves, or even who we are. They
might belittle our dreams, criticize our goals, or make hurtful
comments that reveal a low opinion of us. These experiences can
be quite painful, because we all want to be liked and accepted.
We all want to be supported and nurtured and loved by those
around us.
Being rejected or ridiculed by others (especially if it's a
frequent occurrence) can cause us to question our own
self-worth and value as a person. We begin to wonder if maybe
they're right. Maybe we're not lovable enough, or talented
enough, or "good" enough to be accepted. Following this line of
thought for any length of time can be incredibly damaging to our
self-confidence.
While it's normal to have a few moments of uncertainty when we
are rejected, the worst thing we can do is internalize the
negativity we recieve from others. Just because someone has a
low opinion of us does not mean we have to accept it as our
truth. They can only come to their conclusions by looking at us
from the outside. They don't feel our feelings, think our
thoughts, or experience the things we have in our lives. They
are seeing us from a completely different perspective than our
own.
To complicate matters even further, their own life experiences,
thoughts, and feelings can easily be projected onto us, so they
may see something that doesn't truly exist, except in their own
mind.
So, how do we overcome this? How do we avoid letting other
people's negativity erode our belief in ourselves? There are
three major points to keep in mind:
1) Reinforcement = Strength. Think of positive thoughts as the
antidote to any negativity that comes your way. Feed your mind
empowering, positive thoughts daily, preferably several times a
day - and most especially after you encounter negativity from
another. The stronger you can build up your belief in yourself,
the less you will care about others who insult you, ridicule
you, or reject you. You won't be looking to others for your
sense of validation or approval, because you will already have
your OWN approval.
2) Conserve Your Energy. While it might be tempting to try to
explain, defend, or prove yourself to someone who rejects you,
this is usually a waste of your time and energy. Once someone
forms an opinion of you, they are unlikely to change it. The
more you try to change their minds, the more stubbornly they
will dig their heels in and resist. So, simply release your
need to prove yourself and accept that they are entitled to
their opinions. Their comments and opinions cannot detract from
your belief in yourself, unless you allow them to.
3) Limit Your Exposure. Once a person reveals their negative
opinion or directs hurtful comments your way, you might want to
avoid spending excessive time with them in the future. This
becomes more difficult if it is a family member that you can't
just shut out of your life completely. But you can still set
boundaries and limit the amount of time you are faced with
negativity.
Finally, remember that no one else can define you, or live your
life for you, or take away the beauty and uniqueness that is
you. They may try, but they won't be successful unless you
allow it.
If you instead choose to turn away from the negativity and
focus on building a solid foundation of belief in yourself, the
negative comments will cease to matter to you. You will go on to
create a fulfilling, successful life that reflects exactly who
you are, regardless of what others say or do.