Teens And Sex -- 5 Must Ask Questions
What I am about to tell you may save the life of your child. Intoday's world the safety and well-being of your teenager depends
on his awareness and knowledge of sex.
It is critical that you, as a responsible and loving parent
address that issue in detail. Here are some key questions to
broach the subject, to let your child know you care and want
the best for him.
Recognize he may be reluctant to speak about something so
personal with you if you are not accustomed to sharing feelings
and intimate topics. You may feel embarrassed bringing up the
subject.
Before you do, be sure you can answer these questions for
yourself. Also, decide what you are comfortable sharing about
your personal experiences and beliefs on the subject of teen
sexuality and activity.
* To start, simply ask your teenager, "What kind of questions
do you have or what do you want to know more about regarding
sex?" You will certainly grab his attention.
* You may want to throw out some information he is unlikely to
know, something like, "Do you know that the sex partners you
choose can influence your vulnerability to certain types of
cancer?"
The object here is to get your child talking-or at least
willing to talk. He may tell you he knows everything he needs
to know. Where do you go from there?
* Ask, "Do you know that sex is not the same thing as love?"
Watch his face for acknowledgement, disagreement, or confusion.
Follow up with, "Sex is physical while love is emotional".
Listen to him. Pay attention to what he says and to the words
he does not speak. Notice his body language, hear the
underlying message, the words between the lines, his tone, word
choice and pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and whether he
is at ease or trying to conceal any discomfort.
If you do observe that he is uncomfortable, tell him you
noticed and ask if he wants to talk about what is bothering
him. Assure him that you are not here to judge him.
Most important, let him know you are having this talk because
you love him and no matter what he has done or is thinking
about doing, he is safe talking with you. Tell him nothing can
change your love for him.
And then go where he takes you. If he chooses to be silent, let
him be silent. It is okay to have silence. You do not need to
speak. He may be processing.
Give him the time and space he needs to do what he needs to do.
He knows you are available when he wants to talk.
Facts are key. If he has unanswered questions, where can he go
for accurate information? The streets, his friends, and the
media may not be the best place to find what he seeks on the
subject of sex.
* Be sure you ask your child, "Do you know that protection is
not a 100% guarantee of health, safety or an absolute deterrent
to pregnancy?" Be sure he knows the consequences of the actions
he may or may not take.
* Follow-up with, "Do you want help or advice in obtaining
protection?" That question is especially important for girls
who may want to see a gynecologist and may not know how to find
a good one who can take care of her needs.
If your teen uses the Internet, know that more than 61,000
searches were done in the month of April on phrases dealing
with teen pornography. What pages is your child visiting? Ask.
Know that if you impose your will he will go elsewhere to
pursue his desires. Build trust with your teenager.
The purpose in having this talk is education. I do not, in any
way, shape, or form, advocate teen sex. However, statistics
show that youngsters as young as 13 engage in sexual activity.
Have the talk now.
When hormones and peer pressure kick in, a wise and educated
youngster, who has previously given thought to and made
decisions about his actions, has a better chance of living the
life he wants than one who has not prepared himself for the
inevitable emotions and situations that will come up in life.
Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self
esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the
symptoms.
What is the cost, to you and to him, of not knowing where your
teenager stands on sex?